Mailwatch(ed) Forum

" He didn't do it and if he did it wasn't that important and anyway look at what other people did"

Andy McDandy wrote: ↑Fri Jun 16, 2023 6:39 am " He didn't do it and if he did it wasn't that important and anyway look at what other people did"

Which echoes Johnson's collapsing defences of Patterson, Patel, Pincher et al.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailym ... thing.html

Quick, look over there! Hippies! Lefties! A stray Miliband!

Pitiful.

Can he not go a single column without mentioning ‘bacon banjos’? It sounds like all he ever did before retiring to Florida is eat fucking sandwiches.

Real men eat bacon. Real men don't do fancy lah-di-dah cooking. Real men use army slang like banjo for sandwich. That lot don't eat bacon. Something wrong there.

I've just had a bacon sandwich. It never occurred to me to call it a banjo.

Maybe a ukelele?

I'm sure we've been over this before (old board maybe?) but banjo is army slang for an egg sandwich, as the motion of brushing any spillage off your front is reminiscent of playing said instrument.

But hey, he thinks it goes down well with the Real Men out there. As he does at a discreet hotel every Wednesday night.

Then to call it a ukulele would be just as valid?

I know I have explained the etymology of the army term "egg banjo" at least twice.

Anyway, I had a nice cheese and tomato clarinet for lunch today.

My ukulele was good. Tonight we are having a cold pork trombone, with strawberries and bassoons to follow. And possibly a cheese triangle.

Malcolm Armsteen wrote: ↑Tue Jun 20, 2023 2:47 pm I've just had a bacon sandwich. It never occurred to me to call it a banjo.

Maybe a ukelele?

It's only a banjo if it contains a fried egg.
I've explained the origin and logic of this somewhere else ages ago.

Calling other sorts of sandwiches a banjo is what Walts do.


Sorry folks, I read this top-down, so tend to respond before seeing others already have this covered.

What if you have a bacon sandwich with sauce and it drips down your bri-nylon shirt front and you wipe it off in a Frank Spencer manner?

Have to admit, I assumed ‘banjo’ was because it’s a large round bap, and thus looked like a banjo.

I pity Littlejohn’s wife though. Firstly just in general for obvious reasons, but secondly because if he ate this many leak-prone sarnies his shirts and ties must have been practically sodden with yolk (and there’s no way a ‘real man*’ like Dickie would be doing his own laundry)

Also: re: the ‘banjo’ hand motion - given the chances are Dickie would have been sat down to eat given he’s quite the lazy sod, I suspect this spillage was ending up on his trousers as much as his shirt and needing to be wiped off there too. Which is ideal, as I think ‘bacon wanker’ would be a much more fitting descriptor for him.

*read: mysogynistic git

There's a bakery in South Belfast called Bread And Banjo that does not, at time of writing, serve such a thing.

Mind you, soda bread tends to suck that yolk right in there and hold it like it owes money, hence it's the only and correct choice for such breakfast bread-casing

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailym ... gland.html

In which he turns his hand to economics, or more accurately gets someone from the financial desk to supply the copy while he adds a few remarks in the margins.

Basically, cost of living crisis is no longer in quote marks, as it starts to affect people we care about, namely us. Causes are long and complex, but solutions aren't. Dickie has the answer!

1. We should never have locked down.
2. Furlough was wrong. Sunak was wrong. Is wrong. You know why.
3. Hippies are bad. Green is bad.
4. Fracking is good. Fuck the hippies.
5. Why can't "economically inactive" people (no, not you, beloved old bat reading these words) just die?

Cunt.

This orchestrated attack on the BoE to blame for our economic woes is end of the line desperate. As if it’s some alien institution that’s nothing to do with the government.

We can’t be far away from an entire column that is composed entirely of ‘catchphrases’, ancient pop culture references and right-wing buzzwordery.

“You couldn’t make it up - there I was, eating a bacon banjo watching Minder on my 200 inch Plasma TV the same as all illegal immigrants get, when a yooman rites documentary on elf’n’safety comes on. I blame disabled gay windmill-owning woke leftie lawyer lesbian eco-terrorist vegans on benefits.”

Viz comic has been good for Littlejohn-baiting over the years, and the latest edition doesn't disappoint.

In "Littlejohn Shop of Horrors", Mr Rothermere tells hapless assistant Dacre to grow a plant that will attract attention and save their ailing florists. After planting a seed in a huge pile of horseshit, they grow a Littlejohn, which spouts a stream of utter bollocks. But when it starts growing crappy books which are compilations of its articles, is it time to finish the plant off?

Littlejohn has finally realised that most serious economists thought that Brexit was a bad idea or along. But he is not happy that many these grown up economists now work for the Bank of England.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailym ... nbury.html

Crikey. There's a side effect to Johnson's half arsed effort; other columnists are putting in even less work phoning it in.

First, a bit about village halls and anti-terror legislation. Basically why do nice people have to obey the rules. It's crying out for a Dad's Army pastiche, even has the unnecessarily large picture of Warden Hodges, then stops.

Next up, John Cleese has said something about Life of Brian. After a "offending Christians is no big deal these days" whinge, he remembers there's a trans character in it. Aaaaah, bet you can't make jokes about them, he says, because hey, any excuse for a sneer.

Third up is Angela Rayner and Labour factionalism, which is definitely only a Labour thing and not experienced in any other party.

Finally, perhaps the worst song filks he's ever done. First, that Glastonbury, eh? How many of those trustafarian unwashed hippy dole scum cushy job global elites are homeworkers, yeah? Wouldn't it be funny if Elton John sang a song insulting them, and then followed it up by doing a tribute to Johnson?

Lazy cunt.