[Andy McDandy]

A thread for Swanley's finest, and his fellow travellers.

First, on Cummings and his bullshit problem:

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/do ... 55161.html

And on Tim Martin and immigration:

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/ti ... 59135.html

[Boiler]

'tis funny, but whenever I drive past junction 3 on the M25 on my way to visit a very good friend, I always look at the signs and think "that's where Mark Steel came from".

Odd, that. Always enjoy Mark Steel's In Town.

[Samanfur]

He played the theatre around the corner from my house on the day of Prince Harry's wedding.

Started the set by assuring us that he was sure that the bride and groom were both wonderful people on a personal level and he wished them every happiness, then spent ten minutes swearing about the cost of the monarchy at a rate that would've made a bleep machine sound like a bin lorry reversing into a heart monitor.

Glorious stuff.

[MisterMuncher]

'tis funny, but whenever I drive past junction 3 on the M25 on my way to visit a very good friend, I always look at the signs and think "that's where Mark Steel came from".

Odd, that. Always enjoy Mark Steel's In Town.

I was at his Belfast "in town" and it was magnificent. More than made up for the disappointment of Jello Biafra rehashing old grudges the night before in the same venue.

[kreuzberger]

I was lucky-dipping on the Sounds app a couple of days ago and came across the "in Carlisle" episode. Genius-level broadcasting.

[Boiler]

Many years ago he covered figures from history: I was in tears of laughter listening to his episode on Isaac Newton.

Which isn't good when you're driving.

[Killer Whale]

Nevertheless, his Sunday Mirror column is exactly the fucking same every single fucking week.

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/do ... 67910.html

Mark takes aim at baffling regulations and even more baffling, why is Hancock Hancock still in post?

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/bo ... 78043.html

Tom Peck joins the fish in barrel shoot.

Johnson, once upon a time, was called the “Heineken Tory”, apparently for his ability to convince non-Tories to vote for him. This is because he is very capable of doing an impression of someone charming, down to earth and affable. (He won London twice, after all.) By-elections are funny things. Voters know they’re not voting for who they want to be prime minister. They’re not voting for – or indeed against – any policies at all. They know the result will have almost no impact on them. And general elections aren’t like that.

But at the same time, if you’ve got a party leader who is now repellent enough to prevent even the people who’ve got your poster up in their own house from voting for you, it’s probably safe to assume you’ve got a problem.

What’s going to happen now, apparently, is things are going to change. Boris Johnson is going to get some new, better, more grown up people into Downing Street. Sort it all out. Run the operation better. And we, the people, are going to pretend not to notice that he did this barely a year ago, when the “Vote Leave” lot lost some sort of internal power struggle with Carrie Johnson, so out went Cain and Cummings and in came Allegra Stratton, and some guy called Dan Rosenfield, and a range of other people who didn’t seem to think it would be a bad idea to turn 10 Downing Street into some kind of rolling Christmas disco while the rest of the country was in lockdown, and would then have to resign on their own doorstep in floods of tears.

The problem, as has been crushingly obvious for a full three decades before he ever became prime minister, is Boris Johnson. And it does seem unlikely that Boris Johnson is going to “change”. Character is a curious concept, but it is kind of generally accepted that whatever it is, it is fully formed by the age of 57.

[Youngian]

What’s going to happen now, apparently, is things are going to change. Boris Johnson is going to get some new, better, more grown up people into Downing Street. Sort it all out.

What sort of hotshots are going to work for Johnson? And no grandees to flock to his side. He may cut a sad, pathetic and very lonely figure next year. Tragic isn’t it?

[Andy McDandy]

Fresh faced young things in shiny suits, denied an opportunity for the second year running to make a twat of themselves on The Apprentice.

[Malcolm Armsteen]

Greedy little twats with an eye for the main chance.

[Boiler]

He may cut a sad, pathetic and very lonely figure next year. Tragic isn’t it?

If you put your tongue any further into your cheek it may burst through.

[Bones McCoy]

Greedy little twats with an eye for the main chance.

Crafty Wankers - for example.

[Andy McDandy]

https://marksteelinfo.com/2018/01/toby- ... KPu9uPmJ2E

4 years old and just as relevant as the day it was written. If not more so.