[Andy McDandy]

I'm beginning to suspect Sweetex's heart isn't really in it much any more.

Last night - half of you go to Cornwall to catch fish. The other half try to flog it to some hotels. Cue hilarity (in the Mrs Brown sense) as the fishing half catch not enough fish, while the selling half either forget what they've told their pals to catch, or make ludicrous promises they can't keep, or charge over the odds.

Part 2 - stuck with a load of fish, they try to prepare it for use (badly), then turn up after lunchtime to sell it. Hotels tell them to get to fuck. Others try to flog crab tacos and fish stew. They spend more on salad than they can hope to make back by selling it. Surprisingly, both teams actually make money, but not much.

Boardroom - Peter Beale from Eastenders gets all grumpy with Akshay the total weapon, and they have a row. Amy, a sort of ginger Yank Hopkins in the making (with the obvious eye on a media career after this) stitches everyone up and waltzes out safe, to the amazement of Sweetex, who like anyone with a brain cell can see what she's doing. Peter Beale gets dropped. Turns up on the after-show and comes across as a bit self-effacing and not entirely the brain dead thug he was depicted as in the episode.

[kreuzberger]

Nope, still not selling it!

[Andy McDandy]

Week 5, design a computer game. Went about as well as you might think.

Now, to be fair, they just had to think of a concept and a marketing idea. Not do code or anything like that. Team 1 went with a fairly average dungeon breakout thing, while team 2 opted for an EcoDoom game that was incredibly preachy, featured a man in a labcoat rescuing penguins from the north pole, and was called Artic Saviour. That's not a typo. Unsurprisingly, the investors they were trying to attract (including Games Workshop founder Ian Livingstone, fact fans!) went with dull but competent over rehashed Captain Planet.

Much eye-rolling as the sensible(ish) people were ignored, or the team leaders changed their minds rapidly. In the end, one of the identikit blonde Trumpettes got fired for being a total div.

Next week they're off to Wales to fail to sell tourist outings, and mispronounce placenames.

[Watchman]

I’m finding this series quite boring

[Andy McDandy]

Agreed - there aren't many actual talents being held back by their colleagues and waiting for a moment to shine. On the spin-off show Karen Brady said that the series was a slow burner, while Tom Allen's just looking bored.

Part of the reason, I think, is that everyone (save for Hakim, bless) knows that they're shit, and it's just a case of being less shit than someone else. Cue lots of people hanging back, waiting for someone else to do something, and getting their excuses in early. What a depressing metaphor for this country.

[Andy McDandy]

Sorry I missed a week. Last week they were in Wales, mispronouncing placenames and failing to sell holidays. The Yank got booted (and about time too).

Last night saw them trying to design and sell an electric 'pod' vehicle (little runaround for cavernous exhibition halls etc). Teams divide into 2 - half will design the vehicle, the other half will punt it to various organisations (Wembley, NEC etc).

Now, how would you or I approach this? Possibly by meeting with the company, asking what they want, how many vehicles, what sort of extras to include, and then feeding that back to the design team? Or coming up with an idea, trying to flog it to a clearly uninterested company, and failing to either do any research on the company, or to ask relevant questions during your meeting?

Yeah.

Team one go with a dull but functional eco-themed vehicle. The other team are told to design a "party pod", by the contestant who has spent the series so far auditioning for the post of Carrie Johnson's interior designer. The company tell her "No party pods, we want something functional!". She goes back to the design team, halfway through creating her rolling hen party/brothel, and tells them to take out all the party stuff and replace it with...more neon pink and glitter and Sambuca buckets.

Both teams sell a few to the companies, then hawk a few more around a trade fair. Dull but practical wins. Lulu Lite brings in the guy who designed to her brief the mobile tart's boudoir, and as someone on the after-show put it, "Matt Hancock's son" who failed to do anything. Sweetex figures out she's blamestorming and protecting her mates, and sends her packing.

Creative editing aside, how some of these people function is beyond me.

[Andy McDandy]

Having passed the halfway point, the editing changes to allow us to see occasional moments of competence. Too bad that last night they were all on one team. Task was organising and running corporate awaydays at Silverstone.

It was the usual story from this series - team 1 does low key but competent, while team 2 aim too high, don't communicate, and don't know what they're doing. In the end the Matt Hancock lookalike got sent home for being useless.

[Watchman]

Probably editing again, but in the past the majority of those “fired” have had a smidgin of humility in acknowledging those who survived, doesn’t seem to be happening this series

[Andy McDandy]

We're into the last few weeks now (of The Apprentice, at least) and it's really starting to show its irrelevance. Last night saw the surviving morons go on a shopping channel and try to flog tat.

Neither did very well, and prize twat Akshay got the boot. All the other twats seem to be stuck together on Team Twat, while the four likeable ones are happily doing their own thing.

[Andy McDandy]

Last task before the interview stage, and 6 left. They were told to design and sell a new baby food. They all ballsed it up and sold nothing. The two remaining guys were sent home. Sweetex is really looking like chucking it all in. Can't say I blame him.

[Youngian]

Your task this week is to deliver me a poem describing how awful Piers Morgan

[mattomac]

That’s several layers of shit.

[satnav]

Sugar has also been attacking the RMT claiming that Mick Lynch likes the cameras. That will be the same Alan Sugar who also makes sure that the Apprentice is all about him rather than the candidates.