[Andy McDandy]

It' that time of year again when the first buds begin to appear on the trees, the evenings stay lighter a little longer, the Six Nations prepares to kick of, and some of the worst wankers in Britain are sealed into shiny suits and made to jump through hoops on the telly for a business loan.

A full list of the wankers is easily found. This year (the twentieth anniversary!) there are 20 of the fuckers. Heaven help anyone trying to arrange a flat viewing in London when this is being filmed.

Standout arseholes from the front include Kieran, the self-styled "best estate agent in London", which is a bit like "Biggest cunt in the war crimes dock". There's Georgina, an actress who's self-consciously wacky. Rothna of the Bene Jesseret, whose disdain for everyone is actually quite sexy. Levi's the token northerner and meathead. Karishma's her off Derry Girls in an awful velvet suit. Conor from Ireland seems on course for the "Don't bullshit the master bullshitter" award. Andrea's clearly a Lorraine Ashbourne cosplayer. The rest all blend into one homogenous mass.

Anyway, we start with the scavenger hunt. They go off to Hong Kong, and are told to buy some things. They underestimate the size of the Fragrant Harbour, and get lost. They waste time. They get forced to do silly things for the amusement of savvy Hong Kong traders. They cannot read maps. They fuck up epically.

The girls fuck up more than the boys, so two of them get booted. Off goes Nikki (mortgage advisor and bland ambassador), followed by Georgina. The guys are told off for celebrating their not much of a win.

Afterwards, Angela Scanlon presents the reworked review show. Gone are the studio audience and funny content - instead we have some twat off Radio 2 an one of Sugar's grumpy mates. Scanlon is very lightweight. This does not bode well.

[Abernathy]

Jeebus. Sounds worse than ever before. Is that even possible?

Remember - Alan Sugar IS the UK's own Donald Trump.

[Killer Whale]

Afterwards, Angela Scanlon presents the reworked review show. Gone are the studio audience and funny content - instead we have some twat off Radio 2 an one of Sugar's grumpy mates. Scanlon is very lightweight. This does not bode well.

Don't tell me... Big microphones?

[Andy McDandy]

Not quite. Scanlon was just fine presenting Robot Wars and is generally very likeable, but seems to a) want to make the show all about her, and b) comes across as really wanting to be funny.

The guests are, firstly, a very annoying radio presenter who constantly goes on about how massive a fan of the show he is, and how crazy he and all his friends are, and says "Oh my Gooooddd" while acting as if every incident on the show is a cultural moment on a par with JFK's assassination. And secondly, one of Sugar's mates who is actually quite dry and funny, but is not the right fit for this show. Just far too smart and insightful.

[Bones McCoy]

The Apprentice on TV or Melania at the Cinema.

Who says culture is dying?

[Boiler]

Afterwards, Angela Scanlon presents the reworked review show. Gone are the studio audience and funny content - instead we have some twat off Radio 2 an one of Sugar's grumpy mates. Scanlon is very lightweight. This does not bode well.

Don't tell me... Big microphones?

"Big microphones... check."

Screenshot 2026-01-30 at 15-16-05 The Apprentice Unfinished Business.jpg (91.83 KiB) Viewed 415 times

[mattomac]

https://www.bbc.com/mediacentre/mediapa ... -series-20

Just had a look at them, Karishma's suit really is odd, its like something out of the 80s put on a child.

Anyhow mostly business executives (whatever that means), estate agents or odd balls. Though was surprised to see a student wellbeing advisor on there.

Generally not the type of people who are usually arseholes.

Priyesh looks like hes got something stuck up his arse (though apparently there is a rise in people walking around with buttplugs inside them), Andrea could turn Hell cold with that stare.

[davidjay]

Not quite. Scanlon was just fine presenting Robot Wars and is generally very likeable, but seems to a) want to make the show all about her, and b) comes across as really wanting to be funny.

The guests are, firstly, a very annoying radio presenter who constantly goes on about how massive a fan of the show he is, and how crazy he and all his friends are, and says "Oh my Gooooddd" while acting as if every incident on the show is a cultural moment on a par with JFK's assassination. And secondly, one of Sugar's mates who is actually quite dry and funny, but is not the right fit for this show. Just far too smart and insightful.

Sugar has mates? Funny mates?

[Andy McDandy]

Week 2 and it's the "do a thing for the kids and look like a twat" challenge. This year, it's to write a storybook for 4-6 year olds, and market it to folk from the publishing business.

If you've ever endured the horror that is team writing, you can guess what's coming next. Teams split into 2, one will work on the story and the other on the visuals. Why? Why, when the words and imagery are so symbiotic, do you want to do things this way? Yes, yes, I know. Cheap laughs and ratings, but anyway.

The ladies, led by Sally Wainshite (who claims to have written a book*), consider two ideas. One is a story about a kid starting school and dealing with their anxieties. The other is a Gruffalo rip off about a zebra wandering through the jungle. Either on their own would be fine, but they combine the two somehow and end up with a zebra starting school. They pitch it to the professionals, and to some schoolkids, and actually get some good feedback and interest. So well done there.

The guys....hoo boy. Marcus wants to be project manager so he can show everyone how it's done. Kieran (biggest cunt in London) rankles, and gets to run the sub-team. On that team is Dan, who says he knows a bit about graphic design, so is promptly ignored. Dan seethes in the corner, as Kieran delivers a masterclass in knobbery. He talks over people. He rushes through things. He leaves 2 pages of the story (something about an astronaut wanting to do a shit) blank. He laughs it all off, saying that he's a salesman, not a creative.

Onto their marketing event - Conor does a fairly good job of polishing a turd, but this one is just too smelly. The kids hate it. Marcus doesn't want to hear negativity. Conor is on the verge of making a sale, and Marcus walks in, elbows him out, and loses the sale. Conor claims that the blank pages are there for kids to use their own imaginations on. The professionals say don't bullshit the bullshitter, son.

The ladies win, but Wainshite is FUMMIN' about her team, upbraiding them for their disloyalty (i.e. talking). Marcus and Kieran blame each other for lack of direction, shit ideas, the moonlit sky and the dream that died. Marcus calls 3 of the team back in, only for them to all round on him. Sugar points out that as a manager, he's crap (Sralan also makes a lot of poo and toilet based puns that are far better than the guys thought of), and the central problem was their entire concept, which stank. Marcus gets the boot. Kieran gets a warning to stop acting the cunt.

There is no treat for the winners. Next week, the catering challenge, or how to fail at maths and cooking.

*By which she means that the school of which she's a governor once had a book published.