[The Weeping Angel]

In the not too distant future.

https://thecritic.co.uk/britain-2049/

You wake to the headlines, overlaid on your vision by Neuralink. The High Speed 2 line between London and Luton has been delayed again, with the total cost now set to overtake the GDP of Angola. Polish politicians are complaining about the waves of British plumbers and builders undercutting wages on construction sites. An unskippable advert for a pyramid scheme. Commando raids in Morocco by heavily militarised donkey sanctuaries have freed two mules, leaving 16 locals dead. Ofcom has issued a Fatwa against the dangerous underground “Daily Mail” organisation for disinformation. It’s 6am on the 10th of June, 2049. You own nothing, and you’re not particularly happy about it.

Your day begins with a quick top-up to your calorie credits. You roll out of bed, stand on the pressure-sensitive mat, and turn on the large wall screen. The instructor, morbidly obese but officially healthy, waves cheerily to the millions of early risers across the nation, rolls of fat wobbling under her arm. As you follow the instructions, a camera mounted on your television tracks your movements and estimates your calories burned. Ten minutes later, you’re judged to have Done Your Bit for Our NHS. A cheery jingle plays to congratulate you, and your wrist buzzes as a small sum is added to your balance. You decide a shower isn’t worth the time or carbon credits.

Gulping down the government issue nutriguel, you check in with Transport for London. The “work from work” order is still in place, nominally due to the productivity spillovers generated by people bouncing off one another by the watercooler. Given that office work now takes place entirely in a virtual metaverse, you can’t help but feel that it has slightly more to do with the regular donations to the Conservative party from the landlords pressure group (Commercial Unit National Trust).

The TfL AI cheerfully informs you that due to unforeseeable delays on the line, today’s commute is expected to last an hour longer than scheduled, as it did yesterday, the day before, the previous week, and indeed most of the previous five years. The tube driver union is still adamantly opposing automation, or indeed the hiring of a second driver, while the rail replacement bus service is being diverted around Slough for reasons best known to the planners. Walking it is.

I suppose it's an improvement on the article they wrote, saying how the unabomber had the right idea.

[Andy McDandy]

Somewhere between "To Hell in a Handcart" and 'edgy' Cyberpunk stuff knocked out by a 14 year old.

[Rosvanian]

The Critic needs to keep up. As everyone knows, in the not too distant future we'll all have been forced to live in hellish '15 minute cites' where we will own nothing and be happy. 'Commuting' will have been expunged from the language.