[Andy McDandy]

Hancock really is a shameless little weasel, isn't he? He could make perhaps a semi-competent pimp.

[Cyclist]

I believe bitcoin is like NFTs - an expensive pile of nothing for stupid people. My opinion may well change as I learn more about them, but I can't help thinking they're sort of elaborate scam.

[Bones McCoy]

I believe bitcoin is like NFTs - an expensive pile of nothing for stupid people. My opinion may well change as I learn more about them, but I can't help thinking they're sort of elaborate scam.

A cloud of bubbles, in an environment teeming with pricks.

[Watchman]

Have your doubts about investing in crypto? Matt’s patronage will put your mind at rest

Looks like Matty's still ahead of the curve!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... l-off.html

[Crabcakes]

If Hancock is on any curve, it’s a bell curve. And he’s right at the bell end.

[MisterMuncher]

I believe bitcoin is like NFTs - an expensive pile of nothing for stupid people. My opinion may well change as I learn more about them, but I can't help thinking they're sort of elaborate scam.

Would you be at all interested in a quite long, but genuinely interesting and entertaining take on the subject?

This is excellent.

[Bones McCoy]

Hancock's is marked out by one exceptional skill:

The ability to maintain an erection in the face of 180 thousand dead.

[mattomac]

He really is perfect figure to flog NFT and Crytocurrency.

The fact he hasn’t put any money into either shows some remarkable intelligence that I don’t think he had, I won’t be surprised if Dowden is sharing a stage with him soon.

[Youngian]

Tory charm offensive Operation Cold Sick. Maybe Hancock’s skint but on what planet does he think he’ll come out of this well?

[Watchman]

"Me, I'm 'arder that that Nadine"

[Youngian]

First good decision Sunak’s made. If Hancock’s partly doing this to make the Tories look even bigger wankers, than fair play to him. Unless he’s skint, I can’t think of another good reason.

Any other sunshine bound freeloaders that Sunak would like to remove the whip from?

[Andy McDandy]

When you're surrounded by researchers and SpAds all reliant on your patronage and telling you what you want to hear, it's no surprise that many MPs have a bit of an ego problem. One of the reasons why they always look so shocked when voted out.

[davidjay]

You'd think they might have an inkling that swanning off to do some well-paid TV work in the middle of the current shitstorm isn't a good look and there might, possibly, be some comeback. But no, off he trots. Sunak really hasn't got any sort of hold over them.

[Andy McDandy]

Alternately, Sunak cooked it up, it gets people moving on from Braverman, and Hancock's so desperate to be let back in that he'll abase himself as bad as you like.

File under "not that stupid and not that clever", though.

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... -tory-whip

Marina Hyde considers this new development in her inimitable style:

Sorry, but spare us so much as a single self-styled serious news anchor attempting to use Hancock’s appearance to “provoke debate”. You know the sort of thing. “Is this actually quite clever on his part?” “In a world where people are turning off politicians, is this a way of getting them to tune back in?” Guys, please, please don’t attempt to intellectualise Matt Hancock’s turn in the jungle!

Hancock fashioning a football out of palm fronds and badgering Jill Scott to beat him at keepy-uppies. Hancock throwing a protective ring round the camp’s elders, all of whom immediately get med-evaced out. Conversations round the campfire in which Hancock tells Chris Moyles: “Ultimately what happened is that I fell in love. Is that a crime? If so, lock me up and throw away the key.” Hancock deciding Mike Tindall is a fellow alpha male and attempting to form an alliance with him: “Together, we could rule the jungle.” Tindall declining; Tindall engineering things so he faces off against Hancock in a bushtucker trial; Tindall just staring dead-eyed and unblinking at Hancock as he boshes round after round of animal dick and the former health secretary fails to keep up....

[Abernathy]

I’m trying to understand Hancock’s motivation here. I think he realises that his career in front-line politics is effectively over(that snub from Sunak must have been the final straw), and he sees this celeb mallarkey as a way to build himself a new public image as Cuddly Matty, the Cheeky Chappie that everybody loves , in spite of him having been directly responsible for killing scores of elderly care-home residents by discharging infectious Covid-19 patients into their care homes.

He’s obviously following in the footsteps of Mad Nad, whose subsequent elevation to the front bench owed much, much less to her wombat’s knob munching activities than her adoration of the Johnson (and certainly fuck all to do with any compelling qualities of Dorries herself).

Or maybe he sees Anne Widdecombe as his role model? The hideously evil former Tory minister tried being cuddly by going on Strictly Come Dancing as the joke celeb dancer, and went on various other celeb guff TV aberrations, even appearing in fucking pantomime, for pity’s sake, before taking up her cudgels of hatred one more time as Nigel Farage’s sidekick and Brexit Party MEP.

Then there is Neil & Christine Hamilton. Two more vile individuals, a corrupt Tory MP and his freeloading spouse, who similarly attempted, not entirely successfully, to re-invent themselves as lovable eccentrics up for a laugh as long as there was a brown envelope of cash in it for them.

Seems to be very much a right-wing thing, though there was Ed Balls, who largely endeared himself to the public on the celeb jigging show after the voters of Morley & Outwood chucked him out in favour of (Lord help us) Andrea fucking Jenkyns.

I can’t envisage Hancock pulling it off. Surely he knows that virtually the entire audience will be voting for him to have to eat koala bollocks in a bath of cockroaches every fucking week, snarling “This is for granny, you cunt”, as they speed dial to vote for yet more discomfort for the incompetent, lying tosser time after time after time.

[satnav]

As more and more Tory MPs realise that the game is up and they will soon either be out of a job or sitting on the opposition benches fairly soon they will jump at every opportunity to either make a quick buck or kick start a new career outside of politics. I think once he is out of the jungle Hancock will quickly start accruing more company directorships particularly in the health sector.

[Bones McCoy]

This does mean that we could all dial in and ensure that he does the "semi drowned in rotten fish guts" challenge each half week.

That would be awful.

[Youngian]

This does mean that we could all dial in and ensure that he does the "semi drowned in rotten fish guts" challenge each half week.

That would be awful.

Hancock’s bath hour

[Crabcakes]

Based on his other media excursions, I think his motivation is that he thinks he’s a misunderstood but really likeable guy as opposed to a fucking ghoul who could literally have saved lives - or at least his integrity - if he’d stood up to Johnson and Sunak and demanded lockdown earlier, but instead was too busy banging his assistant.

I remember an article at the time describing how his kids had to be woken up in the middle of the night to be told he was leaving and why once the affair became public. That’s how I’ll remember Matt Hancock no matter how much koala anus he ingests for pennies - a pathetic arsehole who runs from his self-created problems with barely a flicker of concern for the collateral damage.